I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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