it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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