it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
