The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My life is pants optional.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
