which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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