Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
