how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
