I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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