I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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