I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
