she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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