the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
