imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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