Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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