Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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