oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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