All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
