i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
