Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
