i was born a porn star she said
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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