help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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