He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
