am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
