i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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