I wish I could teleport
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
