My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
