New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize