Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
