And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
