it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel like death gave me a hand job
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
