Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
