I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You took a bar mat shot.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
