you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
