I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
