I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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