covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
