The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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