You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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