He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
