it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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