My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
