just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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