You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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