Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
