"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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