Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Boobs are out for the taking
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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