No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
