just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
