so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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