when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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