I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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