i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
