I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
