How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have already put on my inside pants.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
