dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
