How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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