Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
