Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
