Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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