but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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