Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize