I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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