i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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