Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
