Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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