It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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