connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
