his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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