I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
