I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
