Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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