And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize