Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
