theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
