I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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