just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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