So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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