Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
