I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
